3/9/19 Saturday Weekend after 24th day TMS

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Today was horrible. I was able to force myself to study for almost two hours, but each minute of it (congressional influence over agencies) was hell on earth. Then for some reason while surfing around looking for an old blog, I found a website of a law firm suing Bank of America. Naturally I reached out, and they called back right away. She sounded legitimate; they are suing for not only fiscal but emotional damages from the Hamp program that scammed so many of us. So the rest of my day was ruined as I searched for documents etc. I am not sure if this is different than my normal misery, but misery it is nonetheless. I am never getting out of this hell. Anything sends me down rabbit holes of obsessions and pain. I have had a constant neck and head ache for weeks, probably from the TMS, and I don't know how this is related, but I am even more lonely than I was before. I reach out less now. I sit on my couch staring into the abyss. In the past I would call people, or text, clinging to a voice or a connection. I don't have the strength now. I am too tired. It seems pointless.

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